


If It Comes Back...

by Crunchysunrises



Series: Meant To Be [3]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Pining, Pining Derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-20
Updated: 2012-04-20
Packaged: 2018-04-12 08:11:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4471874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crunchysunrises/pseuds/Crunchysunrises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek honestly loves Garcia.  It just takes him awhile to figure out what (if anything) to do about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If It Comes Back...

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** If It Comes Back...  
>  **Fandom:** Criminal Minds  
>  **Rating:** PG  
>  **Content Notes:** None  
>  **Disclaimer:** I have no rights to or within the Criminal Minds franchise, copyright, or trademark. This is for fun, not profit.  
>  **Summary:** Derek honestly loves Garcia. It just takes him awhile to figure out what (if anything) to do about it.  
>  **Additional Notes:** Written while watching an episode of Criminal Minds. References some episodes and bits of dialogue. Also acts as a fill for h/c bingo, specifically for the "phobias" square.

Penelope Garcia is Catholic.More importantly, she _believes._

Derek, who cannot entirely trust in something so abstract as religion, puts his faith in Garcia.

She is _there,_ with him, whenever he needs or wants her.Derek takes Garcia's voice with him all across the country.When he has trouble sleeping, at night in his apartment or on the jet, Derek calls up the sound of Garcia's voice and the staccato click of her fingers over computer keys and the smile that she saves just for him.

Garcia is always there.And she always listens.And he never has to beg.

 

 

Derek knows that Hotch, who keeps his own counsel more often than not, takes pleasure in Garcia's gentle heart.Reid is the younger brother that she never had.And, although the ladies refuse to confirm or deny it, Derek _knows_ that they have an Axis of Evil going on.Even after she leaves, Elle keeps in touch with Garcia.For himself, Derek carves time into every day to interact with Garcia.He calls her, interrupts her lunches, makes her sort case files with him, and fetches and carries for her.

Despite being a shared resource, Garcia is their team's heart.

 

 

When Morgan tells Garcia that things that appear to be too good to be true probably are too good to be true, she yells at him and hangs up.

Morgan wonders where he went wrong.

And if Garcia really thinks that he never looks twice at her or crosses rooms to flirt with her.He does it every day.He never goes home with the same woman twice but he always goes out of his way for Garcia.

_I'll make up with her after she finishes cooling off,_ he thinks and turns his attention back to the case at hand.

 

 

Derek never entirely gets his head around the shooting.

After a lifetime of it, Derek is unfazed by violence.Violence done to Garcia, however, is terrifying.When Garcia is hurt, when she is _shot_ , Derek is more frightened than he has been in years.

Violent things are not supposed to happen to Penelope Garcia.She is sunshine and happiness and all about seeing the good in other people.She is supposed to always be safe in her dark little office or her comfortably eclectic apartment.

He can never decide if she lives because of or in spite of his prayers.

 

 

Morgan knows that he is entirely unreasonable the entire time they work Garcia's case.

The worst part is seeing her look so small and pale and fragile without all of the colors and accessories and glitter that make Penelope Garcia seem larger than life.

It is seeing the cracks in her self-confidence and knowing that some of them are his fault.

It is not knowing what to do for her or how to help.

It is _finally_ confessing his feelings to her and getting nothing one way or the other back from her.

To him, everything is The Worst Part.

 

 

In typical Garcia fashion, she gets over the shooting long before Derek does.While he works up the courage to tell her again, she shrugs off dying and her dating disaster and starts dating the computer geek from down the hall.

When Garcia smiles and says that everything happens for a reason and that maybe her near death experience was supposed to lead her to _Kevin Lynch,_ Derek nearly argues.He nearly forgets that it has been almost twenty years since he last stuffed a geek into a locker.

Garcia is smiling _his_ smile over Lynch.

That smile haunts Derek.

 

 

Derek keep an eye on Kevin Lynch.

The guy talks nerdy to Garcia.(Derek is jealous of Lynch's ability to capture the entirety of Garcia's interest and enthusiasm.)

Lynch takes her out, calls her cheesy pet names, makes her laugh and gets invited to her theater group's production of Twelfth Night.(Derek had never even known that Garcia was interested in theater.He discovers that jealousy is ugly, irrational and _persistent.)_

He seems to worship Garcia.

It kills Derek that Garcia thinks all of her suffering has been to lead her to... _that._

Garcia could do a whole lot better.

 

 

Derek always goes out of his way to say good morning to Garcia.

And, until shortly before her shooting, Garcia had always said, "I'll show you a good morning, hot stuff."

It had been the beginning of a beautiful relationship... friendship... _thing._

Garcia now says, "And a good morning to you too, my very special Agent Morgan."

Derek misses the other greeting.Actually, he misses the flirting in general and the wealth of phone calls, working lunches, help with his case files, and being her willing slave.

Even though she is where she always was, Derek misses Penelope Garcia fiercely.

 

 

Kevin claims the lion's share of Garcia's time.

She still goes out with the Axis of Evil, which encompasses J.J. and Prentiss these days, and dotes on her godson.And she still helps Rossi and Hotch with their secret side projects.(She spends an entire afternoon briefing the two of them on the local peewee soccer league's rules.)And Derek walked in on Garcia making plans to go shopping with Elle.

So really, Derek is the only one who loses time with Garcia.

That seems entirely unfair to Derek.And, while life is often unfair, Garcia never used to be.

 

 

The closest Derek comes to telling Garcia what he needs is after he has nearly blown himself up driving a bomb into an unpopulated area.Not that he will ever admit to anyone, particularly Garcia, how close he actually came to dying.

"You're my God-given solace," he tells Garcia, made recklessly honest by a potent cocktail of adrenaline, endorphins, and not being dead."Woman, you promise me one thing... whatever happens, don't you ever stop talking to me."

Garcia sniffles and from that one little sound he can imagine her expression.

"I can't right now 'cause I'm mad at you."

 

 

It gets better between them after that.The _thing_ between them is never like it was before Kevin and there are still aspects of their pre-Kevin relationship that Derek misses but Derek can live with what Garcia gives.

What he might not live through is all of the paperwork that comes with Hotch's job.And the awkwardness of it.And there is no one, not even Garcia or Prentiss, to talk it over with since he is going to be their boss.

And then, through a series of events that Morgan would wish on no one, he meets Tamara Barnes.

 

 

When Garcia nervously babbles about how much she loves him, Derek's stomach swoops.

With her next breath, she accuses Derek of being in a (highly unethical) sexual relationship with Tamara Barnes, a victim's sister.

Derek feels a swell of anger and defensiveness.

The conversation only goes downhill from there.It ends when he storms off, leaving Garcia in his wake.

There is no relationship, romantic, sexual or otherwise.Derek avoids those like the plague.And Garcia has Kevin.Derek's personal affairs are none of Penelope Garcia's business.

They make up a few hours later.This time, it is breathtakingly easy.

 

 

Tamara is lost in her grief.She needs him.

Derek dearly needs to be needed.And Derek needs her too.He needs someone to talk to and take care of.He needs someone to listen to him.

They get closer and it feels... good.Right.

Then Tamara invites Derek for a drink.

Derek runs like hell.

He avoids Tamara's phone calls.He avoids _Garcia's_ phone calls, leaving her to be fielded by J.J. instead.Instead he naps on the couch in his borrowed office and plays the game with Strauss and accepts that every new death is on his shoulders.

 

 

When Garcia asks him to help her get something out of storage, Derek immediately agrees despite being bone-tired and having several hours' worth of paperwork on his desk.

Derek cannot quite remember why he has been avoiding her.

Instead of flirting with him while he carries boxes for her, Garcia springs his new office on him.One that was never Hotch's.Garcia has decorated to his tastes and equipped it with a secret 'fun zone' and an awful picture of herself.

He had never spoken a word to Garcia about his needs or anxieties but she had heard him anyway.

 

 

Morgan only asks out Tamara Barnes because he is sitting in his new office, surrounded by the physical embodiment of Garcia's quiet devotion (and J.J.'s conniving.Those two are a force of nature.He pities anyone that those two plot _against.)_

He wants to celebrate his office and the successful end of his first case as team leader but everyone (save Hotch) has gone home for the night.

Hotch was never much of a party animal.

Then Derek remembers Tamara's offer and how much he likes her and promises himself that he is perfectly capable of maintaining an adult relationship.

 

 

Derek is capable of maintaining an adult relationship until he and Tamara have sex.Then the relationship just sort of... fizzles out.Derek notices the end of his relationship with Tamara about four months after its death.

With the benefit of hindsight, Derek can admit that Garcia was (probably) right.And that he was lucky things ended as unspectacularly as they did.

Sometimes, in his quietest moment, Derek wonders if things with Garcia would end like this.

Whatever would happen with her, Garcia would never let their relationship dissolve without a single word about it.

Garcia has words for everything.

 

 

When Garcia drunk-dials him, Derek is torn between amusement and worry.Drunk people have lower inhibitions and less awareness of their environment.Anything could happen to Garcia.

She could get shot again.

Without hanging up, Derek ditches his date and makes the trek to Garcia's apartment.The entire way there, they laugh and flirt and catch up with each other as if one of them (Garcia) has been away on a long trip.

When he gets there Derek hangs up and uses the left side of the steps.

"Hey," Morgan says when Garcia answers his knocks.

"Hey there, hot stuff."

 

 

Garcia is in rare form.She is giggly and bubbly and imperious as she makes him fetch her blankets, uncork a bottle of wine and cue up the Princess Bride over his half-hearted attempts at getting her to watch anything else.

Derek loves it.

As he gets comfortable on her green couch, Garcia curls against his side.He is overly aware of her warmth and the cigarette smoke in her hair.

When she offers him a glass of wine, Derek cautiously sips it.

This thing they have is too precious to ruin with regrets or casual sex, drunken or not.

 

 

"I've missed you," Penelope announces just as Morgan decides that he likes that Wesley guy.

"You're the one who went away," Derek says, more sharply and honestly that he intends.

Garcia shifts restlessly against him.

"I needed my space," she says."I needed to get you out of my system."

"Baby girl..." Derek says, unsure of where he is going with that opening but instinctively hating the idea of a Garcia who is entirely over him.

"It's okay," she interrupts."You're my best friend.And I can live with that now."

Derek is not entirely certain that he wants to.

 

 

Derek has no sympathy for a hangover.He noisily hums and clatters around her apartment.Garcia wakes up to the sight of him naked, wet and wrapped in one of her towels.

Her response is entirely gratifying (after he promised that nothing happened while she was drunk and vulnerable.He is a little hurt that she thinks he could ever be that guy.He is a lot hurt by her, "Of course nothing happened.What was I thinking?"How shallow does she think he is?)

And thus begins Derek's silent, unacknowledged campaign to _actually_ seduce Garcia away from Kevin Lynch.

 

 

After about a five more movie nights, Derek concludes that Garcia is either oblivious or made of sterner stuff.

On their sixth movie night, while Kevin is in the bathroom, Garcia whispers, "Kevin proposed!"

Derek chokes on his popcorn.

"Well, he proposed that we buy the farm together," Garcia hastily amends as she whacks Derek's back."But not in the creepy 'let's die together in a flaming blaze of crazy' way.More in the 'let's give up all of the dead bodies and the stress and grow old together in the country and maybe have a couple of kids' way."

Kevin Lynch has clearly never met his girlfriend.

Penelope Garcia is a goddess of the electronic age.She is also an internet junkie.Asking her to give it up would be like asking Reid to give up coffee or Rossi to give up women.

It is just not happening.

(And what would he do without her?And what about the team?)

The idea of Garcia giving up everything that she loves for _(anyone)_ that guy, gives Derek cold sweats.It also gives him that last, desperate jolt of courage that he needs to tell her that he loves her (again.)

"Baby girl, you can't do that," Derek says as he turns and takes one of Garcia's hands in his.Her fingers are slick with butter from the popcorn."You love electricity and the city's lights and all of your hobbies.And you love online gaming and being smarter than everybody around you.And you love helping people.And we need our sweet sunshine girl.And what about Henry?That boy needs his godmama.He's here, in the city."

Derek takes a deep, steadying breath and tightens his grip on her.

"And baby, I'm here too.I need you, Penelope Garcia."

Garcia's blue eyes are wide and made wider by the lenses in her glasses.

"Derek..."

"Honey, I know you love him."Admitting that _kills_ a piece of Derek."But mama, you can't give up everything you are and do for some guy.'Cause we're not worth it, Penelope.We're just not.And there's always another one of us, waiting for you to pay attention to him."

Garcia laughs.It is watery and surprised.It gives Derek confidence.

"Easy for you to say, slick.And I do.Love him, I mean."

"I know.But baby, I'm crazy in love with you."

Garcia makes a breathy little noise.It is equal parts pleasure and pain.

"I know that you don't mean that like it sounds," Garcia says shakily."And I love you too.Platonically."

"I mean it exactly like it sounds," Derek says sharply, interrupting Garcia's babbling."I've always meant it like that.I know you think you're not the kind of girl that a man walks across a crowded room for or gets down on his knees and thanks his creator for existing but you're wrong.I thank God for you every day.I have to believe that he exists because someone like you doesn't happen by accident.I cross rooms and walk down hallways and call you nearly every day and baby, I've never done that for any of the women that I've slept with. I'm in love with you and I can live with you being in love with Kevin.But I can't live with you giving up everything and going to live on a farm of all things.Maybe that's who Kevin is but that's not my girl.You aren't a farmer's wife."

Derek's heart is pounding and his breathing is too quick by the time he finishes.The silence while Garcia processes all of that is an exercise in torture punctuated with the sound of Kevin washing his hands.When Garcia opens her mouth, Derek holds his breath.

"Hey, did I miss anything?" Kevin asks as he breezes back from the bathroom.He settles on Garcia's other side, his arm across the back of the couch and Garcia's shoulders by default.

Derek clenches his jaw.Garcia, who is still facing him, looks pale and lost.

"Nothing important," Derek grits as he turns back to face the movie.On the screen, Sarah Conners is battling a terminator.

"Okay-dokey."

 

 

Derek successfully avoids Garcia for two and a half weeks after his confession.He gets back from tracking a pack of organ thieves from Arizona, through New Mexico and into Nevada.He is still sweaty and sunburned and trying to figure out how sand got into his socks _again_ when he finds her waiting for him in the office that she and J.J. arranged for him.

"You can't just say one of the most romantic things that I've ever heard and then disappear for three weeks," Garcia says from where she is ensconced in _his_ chair."It's against the rules."

"I wasn't hiding from you," Derek says defensively."I was on a case."

"I know.I helped with it, which you would know if you had accepted any of my calls instead of fobbing me off of Prentiss."She grins at Derek."By the way, Prentiss says that she'll kick your ass for me.I just have to say the word."

Derek grins and rolls his eyes.

"The woman's a menace."

"I've missed you," Garcia says and suddenly the laughter falls away.

"I've missed you too.I just... I needed some time to myself."

"I know.Have you had enough?"

Derek shrugs.

"Kevin and I have decided to take things more slowly," Garcia said."You were right.I love electricity and air conditioning and my computers.And at this point I might actually shrivel up and die if I'm disconnected from the matrix.Plus, _Lassie_ reruns have given me a fear of falling down wells.And there seem to be a lot of serial killers in the middle of nowhere.And, well, I don't know anything about farming."

"And what about the other things I said?"Derek asks, his hands clenching on his go-bag."I'm still in love with you."

"I... Derek, that's complicated," Garcia says, suddenly looking nervous."I mean, I waited a long time for you to look at me.And it was so, so hard to get over being in love with you.And you've got relationship issues.And you run away and hide in your work when things get too personal."

"Woman, I know I'm imperfect," Derek interrupts."I've made mistakes and I've hurt you.And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to you.The question is if you love me.And if you don't anymore, could you do it again."

"But I do love you," Penelope earnestly assures him.It is the best thing that Derek has heard in a long, long time.The tightness in his heart finally disappears.At that moment, Derek is fully capable of everything."I'll always love you.But Derek, I couldn't wait for forever for something that wasn't ever going to happen.And I couldn't stand it if we ended up like, well, _all_ of your other romantic relationships."

"What romantic relationships?"

"Tamara Barnes comes to mind."

Derek winces.

"I was wrong about that.Anyway, that just sort of... died."

_"After_ the sex."

"Garcia!"

She rolls her eyes.

"Okay, I've got commitment issues and relationship issues and _issues._ But that doesn't mean that I can't get over them.I _will_ get over them because I want this more than I've ever wanted anything."

Garcia's expression softens into the gentle, adoring one that Derek loves.It has been a very long time since she last aimed it his way.Months.

"Morgan," she breathes."I can see why your sisters adore you."

"Yeah?" he asks as he sets down his go-bag and sidles around his desk.

"Yeah.But I'm not breaking up with Kevin for you."

"What?"Derek draws back."Why not?"

"Because we don't need that kind of karma.If Kevin and I aren't meant to be, we'll fall apart all on our own.Until then, I will remain your adoring and extremely supportive friend."

Derek's mouth tightens.

His first impulse is to argue and make demands. He is still working out his demands when his better sense catches up to him.

"When you break up with Lynch, I'll be ready to sweep you off your feet, Penelope Garcia."

"You can certainly try," Garcia says as she stands and edges past him."Good night, Morgan."

"I'll show you a good night, hot stuff."

Garcia's red skirts swish around her calves as she steps over his go-bag.

"Promises, promises," she sings airily.She waves without turning around."I'll see you on the flip side!"

She leaves.

Smiling, Morgan savors the moment.Then he makes a call on his cell phone.

_Ring.Ring.Ri-_

"Hello?"

"Gideon.How are you?"

Garcia had been teasing but it _is_ a promise.When his chance comes, Derek is going to be ready for a full-on relationship with that woman.He just needs a little bit of help from an old friend.


End file.
